Let’s establish the fact that money will have an impact on your most important relationship on earth. You cannot ignore the topic, because one or both spouses will deal with money, either in small or large amounts, virtually every day. This is why the Bible mentions money, wealth, or possessions 2,350 times. God knew the importance and impact of money on people’s lives, so he covers it thoroughly to guide our habits, attitudes, and decisions. Money issues are the #1 cause of divorce, so clearly, this is a topic that couples should take very seriously, both in avoiding problems and making poor decisions, and in proactively making good choices to strengthen their marriage relationship.

Financial Benefits of Marriage need to be more emphasized

Kaz Nejatian is a credible and wealthy business leader. He has been a lawyer, worked in government, was the COO of Shopify, and is now the CEO of Opendoor. He is worth well over $100 million, is married with three kids, and says that marriage is a significant factor in his success. He felt passionate enough about it to write a book called: Why Saying “I Do” Might Save Your Life. He says that graduating from high school, securing steady employment, and getting and staying married dramatically increase people’s chances of wealth and health compared to those who do not do all four.

The average net worth of a married person who is 35 is 15 times greater than the net worth of a single female and 5 times greater than that of a single male. Additionally, according to Dave Ramsey’s research, the median income for a married 35-year-old male is 26% higher than that of a single 35-year-old male. One obvious financial benefit is a reduction of expenses. Having only one house, utility, furniture, and maintenance bill, rather than two, is a significant benefit. The most significant benefit and compelling statistic from Dave Ramsey’s research is that married men live approximately 9 years longer and women almost 5 years longer than their single counterparts. This is not strictly about money, but given that it is the top reason for divorce, it is reasonable to conclude that financial success in marriage helps extend the relationship's longevity.

Tax benefits, such as doubling your standard deduction regardless of whether your spouse works, are financial benefits. On the proactive end of things, you can double the amount that you can put into retirement plans. Related to IRAs, even if your spouse does not work, you can max out a contribution each year, something that you could not do if you were single.

Communication: could be a strength, could be a weakness

Some of you may be thinking, “I thought communication was the #1 cause of divorce over money”. Technically, both are correct, and multiple sources cite roughly two-thirds of the time that poor communication is a significant factor. The common thread between the two is obviously communication about money, or the lack thereof. As Dave Ramsey often says, “Winning with money is 20% knowledge and 80% behavior,” and this is certainly true when it comes to communicating about money. Whether you are single, engaged, or newlywed, it is a good time to review a detailed budget with your significant other. Another good idea is to track every dollar you spend, regardless of category, for at least 30 days and ideally 60 days, then review the list and discuss it with your significant other.

As simple and straightforward as this sounds, it can be eye-opening and help you and your potential spouse, or your new husband or wife, take accountability. If you have been married for several years, this process may be more challenging, but both budgeting and spending accountability can be valuable exercises for your marriage and may help you start fresh to improve your money communication and habits. Yes, some people are willfully ignorant of how much they spend on various items or experiences, but others simply have not been taught to budget and evaluate their spending. Here, effective communication about money is vital, and being honest and understanding of each other, given their different weaknesses, backgrounds, interests, and financial priorities.

All stages of life and levels of money require a couple’s attention

Many people assume that once they reach a certain age, income, or net worth, the need to communicate or engage in dialogue disappears; this is not true. Sometimes, more problems arise from having too much money than from not having enough. The issues change, and what frustrates us does as well, but because we interact with money so often, money frequently causes problems.

The repeated phrases of “It doesn’t cost that much money”, “It’s only a little bit of debt, I should be able to pay it off soon”, “Investing such a small amount of money won’t get me anywhere, what’s the point” are common to hear and creep into our thinking. Regardless of your age or stage in life, avoid these phrases and attitudes in your marriage. Obviously, the sooner you adopt a winning financial attitude and practice good stewardship, the better. In Matthew 25, when Jesus tells the Parable of the Talents, he describes 2 servants (employees) who have been given money to manage and ideally grow it. After the master checks in with the servants and hears they have doubled the allocated small amount of money, he responds with “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little; I will put you in charge of many things.” So, if you are thinking that you will spend everything you get as soon as you get it, then you’ll start paying attention to money and pursue investing when you finally have a “decent” amount, you are setting yourself up for failure, and likely will retain that mindset even after your income and opportunities have grown.

Finally: How do I make money more of a strength than a struggle in marriage

As with many other topics we discuss in marriage, there will be nuances and minor differences within the context of a core belief or principle we follow. Money definitely falls into this category, and it is wise for a husband and wife to adhere to the main point and give each other grace and understanding of minor ongoing differences. For instance, a core principle for all marriages to apply to money is to get and stay out of all consumer debt and save and invest something every month, even if it is a small amount. Then, within those parameters, have some give-and-take on how to allocate funds and what to prioritize. If both of you are committed to the core principle, disagreements and differing perspectives should be workable without causing major problems or leading to divorce.

If a husband and wife are on the same page about avoiding all debt beyond a reasonable, affordable house and saving and investing every month, then it becomes fun and satisfying to achieve financial goals. Then responsibly using money to take vacations, give your children memorable experiences, put in the long-desired hot tub, etc., can foster a sense of teamwork and a shared blessing, and a byproduct of working together with your money. Seeing yours or your spouse’s IRA or 401(k) hit the 6-figure mark for the first time, even when neither of you has ever made 6 figures, can be a very rewarding and encouraging experience for you to stay the course with working together as a couple to apply good money habits.  Then, transitioning to retirement should be a smoother process if sound, agreed-upon financial principles are in place, and a comfortable nest egg is a mutually satisfying accomplishment that provides more opportunities for you to enjoy as a couple.

Lastly, regarding communication, it is vital to apply these principles at every stage of your marriage and to communicate them to your children. As you have seen the importance of good money habits and effective communication, pass that knowledge on to your children so they are prepared to manage their finances wisely as they eventually marry and start a family.